Am I My Own Parody Yet?

[vianegativa]

Would anyone mind explaining to me why it bothers me so when someone unfriends me? Am I seeing it as a refutation of self, or am I just another victim of infovanity?

Frankly, it bothers me that neurons have been fired in my head that brought loss to my heart. After lambasting self-importance in other's journals, here I am bemoaning a similar situation.

The irony isn't lost on me either. Really.

Also, it was my first reflex to remove those folks from MY friends list that had removed me (probably from inactivity), and it smacked of me throwing a rationalized childish tantrum. "You don't wanna know ME, so *phttt* to YOU!" Amazingly petty, that.

We all want acceptance, but the real question is have I merited that from my LJ friends? Pithy comments and sharp wit aside, have I really given anyone a reason to give a damn? Aside from the possibility of meeting me, then meating me, I wonder as to whether or not some people on my friends list would bother to try to get to know me further.

Of course, have *I* tried? Personal investment is a two way street, baby. I have my introspective moments, but is my LJ just a way of expressing my thoughts through soundbites? Am I simply shallow for even worrying about something that, when all is said & done, a program on a computer?

I'm good for more than a rant and I have great joy in my life, but does that come through in my journaling? Or does it just seem as if this is where I let my venom fly so I can be at peace in my real life? Hell, if it is, why would anyone want to know such a toxic personality?

Just some thoughts, pure & unfettered by sadness, anger, or upset.

How long has it been since I've done that here, I wonder.

Comments

[ex-braxton253.livejournal.com]

If I recall you've used this forum for happier entries as well babe, you just don't use it often. As for people on your friends list, some will come, some will go, smetimes it's someone you wanted to get cloe to, sometimes it was just a lurker, ah well. Those who actually take the time to get to know you and chat you up, those are the ones to focus on. ;)

*kubhugs*

[bitterlawngnome.livejournal.com]

you already know this and in a way said it above ...

1. but LJ isn't the real world, and what's the big deal if someone unfriends you? it just doesn't mean the same thing as someone unfriending you in the meat world. Hell if you're like most of us you don't even know many of your ljfriends in the meat world.

2. it's YOUR journal, so if other people don't want to participate in this aspect of your expression, it's A GOOD THING if they leave. Would you want them to continue reading, despising you via some passive-agressive bullshit?

Tilt Me Some Windmills

[vianegativa.livejournal.com]

I don't think so much that I'm saying that LJ itself is something to fall to the ground & wail over, but rather is the reason that people enjoy/walf away from my journal because I'm only presenting one or two aspects of my whole self?

I started this journal to express my self, not certain parts, and I'm wondering if I've failed at that goal.

Re: Tilt Me Some Windmills

[bitterlawngnome.livejournal.com]

I suppose that's among the possible reasons but here are so many more, like: having too many people on you LJ list to actually pay proper attention to each posting; or having less time to read altogether; or having lost easy net access; or people who subscribed you cause they liked on particular post, but then the rest are not what they expeced; or people who thought you were hot and subscribed to find out what you were like but decided you were incompatible. I've head all of these from people at various times.

"Your whole self" is such a lot to try to put into a journal ... the very thought of the task is daunting. I think you might be going a little too hard on yourself there.

[jss]

Also, maybe they're in the "I've listed too many people as Friends and it's too unwieldy so I have to chop some off" situation. Maybe they're closing down their journal account and unfriending everyone on their list.

Your journal is for you. If someone chooses not to read it every time they load their Friends page, well, fuck 'em with a chainsaw. It's not a reflection on you; it's a reflection on them.

[grande.livejournal.com]

If you don't make your journal something personal to you or others, do you have a right to take any of these things personally and be upset by anything that happens in it? And vice versa.

Just a thought.

[invisiblebear.livejournal.com]

OK. First, I know where you're coming from. I've felt the same way, taking it personally when someone decides they, for some reason, do not want to continue to keep up with the journal. I don't know what it is---maybe it's just a sense of feeling like people give up because your life doesn't appear interesting to them. Anyway, you feel that way, but you move on. LJ is part of the trip, and if someone doesn't want to keep up on the trip, you let them go, but keep moving ahead.

I wouldn't be so hard on yourself regarding that. Yeah, it is just a program on a computer, and yeah, it has no bearing on real life. But your reaction is your reaction. As long as you keep a reality check to it, I wouldn't knock yourself around about it.

You don't seem to write much about yourself personally. You are, I know, more than physical attractiveness. There's a person that not a lot of people in a flat forum like this know about. I hope that we can begin to see more of who you are in your writing.

You have a forum here at your disposal. It doesn't seem like you think you're using it to the extent you could be. If there's dissatisfaction about how you come off in here, you can change it. That is up to you, if you think it's worth doing. But it would be nice to read what is inside your head a little more.

[jwall.livejournal.com]

At my peak -- some 9 months ago -- 53 nonpersons had me listed as a 'friend'. As you can see, that number is markedly smaller today. My own list of friends has never exceeded 13. I guess one could say I'm an exclusive befriender -- much like a New England yacht club for martini alcoholics and Valium junkies masquerading as homemakers.

Think you have an axe to grind? I'm Paul Bunyan.

Truly though -- consider the source. Do you give a fuck if the same demographic of addled faggots that keep the fabulously un-funny antics of Will & Grace on the air decide that you "just isn't our kind of people"?

You were kicked out of the Stupid Fucking Idiot club.

"Love everyone" makes love cheap. Love your friends. For everyone else -- well, the best fun is had at the expense of others, isn't it?