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vianegativaSo, I richly deserve the past 24 hours.
I am tapped out, not physically, but rather emotionally. I've over committed on so many things that I finally had my moment of clarity and exhausted myself beyond my ability to recharge in one night. I opted again to stay home from accounting last night because I was so bloody exhausted that all I wanted to do was quietly sit in a chair, alone, and not move or think. I've been subject to intense stresses of late and I'm really looking forward to some kind of respite, a clearing in the forest where I can take some time and rest.
I know that this is really all my doing. Considering that I have a full time job, three college classes, I'm seeing six people (yes, that's me actually saying how many), running a game of Midnight, playing in another game, maintaining a full social schedule, working out three times a week for a few hours, and trying to appease everyone I've done pretty well thus far. I feel like a failure for not being more superhuman, as though I'm lazy for not being able to juggle everything. I'm trying to realize my limitations, but I keep feeling as though I should somehow be able to do all this.
Honestly, I took this all on myself and I realize this. In the short term I'll need to make some fixes to allow myself breathing room, luxuries like full nights of sleep, a weeknight off, and hey, an enjoyable, relaxing weekend would be nice. This means I'll probably have to switch another, if not all of my classes to an online format, and start letting people know that I can't absorb stress and drama 24/7. I need to look at my priorities and start eliminating anything that is less than necessary, healthful or enjoyable. This includes getting a calendar and scheduling things out months in advance... something I desperately need to do.
Overall, people are going to start hearing "no" a lot more, and I'm sure that will really piss folks off. Further, I'm not going to allow others to spend my time freely any longer and that to is going to irk some folks. I already have friends that don't understand why I can't just "come hang out" until four in the morning with all the above on my plate, so I expect I'll burn some bridges along the way. I hope I don't, but realistically I have learned lately that most folks are concerned with their wants first, so I'm not expecting a great show of understanding.
We shall see. Until then, everybody off my back. The ride's over.
I am tapped out, not physically, but rather emotionally. I've over committed on so many things that I finally had my moment of clarity and exhausted myself beyond my ability to recharge in one night. I opted again to stay home from accounting last night because I was so bloody exhausted that all I wanted to do was quietly sit in a chair, alone, and not move or think. I've been subject to intense stresses of late and I'm really looking forward to some kind of respite, a clearing in the forest where I can take some time and rest.
I know that this is really all my doing. Considering that I have a full time job, three college classes, I'm seeing six people (yes, that's me actually saying how many), running a game of Midnight, playing in another game, maintaining a full social schedule, working out three times a week for a few hours, and trying to appease everyone I've done pretty well thus far. I feel like a failure for not being more superhuman, as though I'm lazy for not being able to juggle everything. I'm trying to realize my limitations, but I keep feeling as though I should somehow be able to do all this.
Honestly, I took this all on myself and I realize this. In the short term I'll need to make some fixes to allow myself breathing room, luxuries like full nights of sleep, a weeknight off, and hey, an enjoyable, relaxing weekend would be nice. This means I'll probably have to switch another, if not all of my classes to an online format, and start letting people know that I can't absorb stress and drama 24/7. I need to look at my priorities and start eliminating anything that is less than necessary, healthful or enjoyable. This includes getting a calendar and scheduling things out months in advance... something I desperately need to do.
Overall, people are going to start hearing "no" a lot more, and I'm sure that will really piss folks off. Further, I'm not going to allow others to spend my time freely any longer and that to is going to irk some folks. I already have friends that don't understand why I can't just "come hang out" until four in the morning with all the above on my plate, so I expect I'll burn some bridges along the way. I hope I don't, but realistically I have learned lately that most folks are concerned with their wants first, so I'm not expecting a great show of understanding.
We shall see. Until then, everybody off my back. The ride's over.
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no subject
Date: 2005-10-26 03:55 pm (UTC)How are you going to take care of others when you're not taking care of yourself! BIG BEAR HUGS!!!
no subject
Date: 2005-10-26 04:30 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-26 04:47 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-26 09:49 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-26 04:50 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-26 09:50 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-26 04:41 pm (UTC)-Thomas Edison
You discovered you're Human...not super human. Give yourself permission to take it easy and if necessary......cut some trees down in the forest and MAKE your own clearing to sit and relax in. And since you cut down the trees......build yourself a couple of chairs and a table.....I'll bring cookies and milk to share. ;)
no subject
Date: 2005-10-26 11:33 pm (UTC)At some point I'd really like to be able to just sit and talk to you about life for about 2 hours. My schedule feels like it runs a lot like yours, and I think it would be great to bounce back and forth for a while.
no subject
Date: 2005-10-28 02:59 am (UTC)Just breathe.