Thermopressed People Beware

[vianegativa]

People give grande far too much flak.

His journal is definitely not all roses and light but in person? He's one sincere cat.

I'm not surprised that the Chicago Plastic Fantastics aren't at all taken with him; one whit of difficulty in actually having to get to know a person drives them away, generally far enough where they can be catty from a distance as long as it's socially advantageous.

Again, I'm reminded of how important it is to foster an environment where good people can find some shelter.

BTW, yes. "Plastic Fantastics" is my new name for the "I really don't like you, but I won't be openly hostile because it may be socially disadvantageous to do so, so I'll just look down my nose at you from over here" set.

Comments

[arshermetica.livejournal.com]

I have a social clone?

[vianegativa.livejournal.com]

Socially, yes, but you're more brusque.

Not that that is bad.

[arshermetica.livejournal.com]

Fair enough.

[soul-spider.livejournal.com]

I enjoyed grande's journal when we were mutually subscribed. He seemed like a pretty interesting and thoughtful guy. Some of his pictures were pretty good, too.

But you know how difficult it is to be popular when you're not just another clone...

[vianegativa.livejournal.com]

Ironically, that's his problem too

[jrcubindy.livejournal.com]

Preach on.

[furrbear.livejournal.com]

I've always enjoyed the bit of his journal I can read.

"Plastic Fantastics" Chapters in every major city. Huge chapter in Dallas.

[vianegativa.livejournal.com]

Dallas, Chicago, and everywhere else.

Yeah, tho. I've practically been warned away from most Dallas folks.

[timsimms.livejournal.com]

I completely agree. Were I never have Mett grande in real life, his Lj would've been a far cry from the individual I've become friends with over the past couple of years...

[vianegativa.livejournal.com]

The point is not to take anyone's journal as a summation of their being, yours, mine or his.

I'm just really left quizzical by A-List Plastic Fantastics who distance themselves from folks unless they're A) sleeping with them or B)increasing their fabulousity.

[timsimms.livejournal.com]

I know the type. I've befriended the type actually. I usually don't invite the type to my holiday dinners though...

[vianegativa.livejournal.com]

The type is common in this iteration of the Chicago Bear Community.

Part of me wants to engineer a change away from that, but then I start to become that which I despise.

[bookbear.livejournal.com]

Wow, maybe that's why I fly so far under everyone's radar at stuff like Bear Pride For Beautiful Bears But Tedium Standing And Staring From The Outside for The Less Fabulous Chlubs

[grande.livejournal.com]

I really don't like you, but I won't be openly hostile because it may be socially disadvantageous to do so, so I'll just look down my nose at you from over here

The Yang to my Yin; Oh Matthew, you are far braver than I.

We require effort, but the payoff is huge.

Rare breed sir.

[vianegativa.livejournal.com]

I prefer to think of myself like the tasks assigned to Hercules.

Dirty, punishing, sometimes cruel & impossible, but elevating when tolerated.

[bootglove.livejournal.com]

*HUGS* to both of you!!!

[lucentnotion.livejournal.com]

"one whit of difficulty in actually having to get to know a person drives them away"

I know a group of people like this. It's sad to me that anyone would limit themselves so much. I much rather prefer to know everyone and I definately like a challenge. Plastic Fantastics are boring anyways! BTW I love that name for them... Our Plastic Fantastics are similar to the "Plastics" from the movie Mean Girls, in that they think they're better than others, will play nice to your face, and turn around and talk shit behind your back.

[vianegativa.livejournal.com]

Precisely.

[bookbear.livejournal.com]

based on your respect of him (and, okay, yeah, cuz he gives rgeat user pic), grade has been added to my list. Hope he doesn't mind. Here's to gettign to know cool people Matt finds intrigueing. YAY!

[polomex.livejournal.com]

It's funny that I actually had my own post about A-Listers stirring in my mind this morning before I even read this. But while we're on the topic...

Do I think grande is awful and icky and ew? No.
Do I think grande is the most faboo person evar? Uh, no.

I think he has admirable qualities and faults just like anyone else. Not sure where the LoveFest is coming from.

And after reading the list of comments, I find the "Plastic" phenomenon to be consistent with the "Bad-Driver syndrome." We all know one, but no one ever admits to being one. *raises hand* Ta-da. I know I've definitely had my "plastic" moments. I've been cordial to people I can't stand, stood quietly on the other side of the room from someone when all I wanted to do was gouge his/her eyes out, and silently clicked the 'X' button in the corner when I wanted to reply with something truthfully nasty. Why? Because I was raised with manners... and because it's just not worth the energy. It's much easier to smile, grind my teeth, and let the moment pass than to spew out loads of garbage, make a huge mess, and draw out a dramatic moment that could have been avoided.

[vianegativa.livejournal.com]

Everyone has moments of forced social niceties to deal with at work, school or home. It's when people relentlessly do that as a fall back to advance their own agendas that they become "Plastic Fantastic". I've been corteous to people I dislike because my boyfriend is friends with them, or been at a party where someone says something chock full of asshattery and ignored it.

There is a balance between earnstness & discretion; personally I opt for discretion to avoid hurting feelings or creating a bad social situation if someone seems to just not know any better and then speak to them privately later. Actively malicious people I try to either set straight there or just walk away from.

Have I been falsely polite? Of course. I work with customers. There's a difference between direct earnestness and honesty weilded like a mace. There's nothing wrong with diplomacy; there's something wrong with treating people one way when speaking to them then slagging them after they leave every time you talk to them.

Have I suffered a person only to roll my eyes when they left? Yes, I have, as I think we all have. Do I do it to keep from alienating people in the Bear community here so a *potentially useful* person isn't put off? No.

As to grande, he helped me through a bad day and I wanted people to know he wasn;t as dire as his journal, that's why I'm talking him up. I like telling people about good people I meet, like dedos or nytemarewulf. I see no harm in saying good things about people when I can. :-)

That's just me though.

[vianegativa.livejournal.com]

Social failure devolves into the inability to interact with peer groups and co-workers.

Social niceties are a necessary evil, and to me equate with white lies as long as you're not using them for social brinksmanship.

Etiquette is by its own definition, an unnatural reaction, a set of learned traits, and therefore a muting of initial reaction.

Dictionary.com sez:

etiquette
n : rules governing socially acceptable behavior

I'd rather say etiqutte is gilding the base reactions of most people in social interactions.

[vianegativa.livejournal.com]

Also, I want to hear your thoughts on this (A listers) sometime. I'm curious because you observe a lot in different situations.

Never trust the quiet, thoughtful ones. They know too much!

[lilotter.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry guys but maybe the very naive part of me is showing, it seems like alot of the people not only in the bear community but the major part of the gay community is two faced and stuck up. Why are they like that? Self defense mechanism? Or do they actually enjoy talking shit and hurting people plus acting so fucking phoney and looking/talking down to others. Or is this just part of the gay mainstream? Is being a good decent person too boring or something?

And if I have it all wrong, tell me. I think it's mostly why I don't go into boystown hardly at all., of course the online environment is no better at times. I'm grateful I have a few true friends.

[vianegativa.livejournal.com]

Sadly, no, but that's not just gay folk, it's people everywhere. You just find the good folks and stick close to them.

Personally, it always seems "bad boys" are sexier to some people. The worse someone treats another, the longer the line around the block of people weeping, "But I can change him!!"

Things like helping a friend in the yard don't go forgotten by me & mine. :-)

[standardtom.livejournal.com]

I love you so much.

[vianegativa.livejournal.com]

Feh. You love me better on my back.

[cubziz.livejournal.com]

Grande is a wonderfully nice guy. Interesting to see him change over the years. :)

[grande.livejournal.com]

<3 you!

[cubziz.livejournal.com]

Oh come on. I thought you were cute way back when you sent me your webcam shot. I still remember when we went to pick you up. (Forget exactly where it was, just remember seeing you in person going, "wow, he's handsome!") And you've gotten very far in life the last time we saw you. :) You've a wonderful man.

[grande.livejournal.com]

awww dawwwwww! *blush*