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vianegativa*cracks knuckles*
I try not to get involved in drama, particulary of the he said, he said crowd, but despite best intentions, *whomp* I've gotten sucked in. I'm not going to name names or create a litany of who did whats. Instead, I'm going to do something positive.
Welcome to The Field Guide for the Naive, Vol.1: Users and You.
*cue bad 50's infofilm music*
The key to not getting used by the mooks of the world is to identify and neuter the fuckos before they can cause massive damage to you & yours. With experience, this is a fairly simple process that you too, the naive, lust-blinded, one-story hearing drama princesses of the world can use to differentiate REAL friends from the circle of users you MAY call buds. Trip with me now as we begin classifying the various breeds of users.
1) The Mooch: We all know them, or have heard of them. Friends or roomates that seem coated in teflon when a check hits the dinner table or whom mysteriously are always "interviewing" for a job for several YEARS, and whom cannot ever seem to contribute to the household. This same breed of loser tends to drift from city to city, moving frequently to live with new online friends after burning bridges elsewhere. This User can regularly be seen to buddy up to people when he wants something, such as free air travel, money, or living space. Promising sex, eternal brotherhood, or a relationship, this user is coasting through life desperately seeking to acheive maximum slack while living the highlife.
This breed of user produces a sub-type of User-Cheerleader: The Staunch Defender. The Staunch Defender will forgoe all reason, friendships, and sanity to defend the actions of this louse. Despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary, The Staunch Defender will make a martyr out of the Mooch, always choosing to believe that "everyone's betrayed him" or he's "had a hard life". Often, the Staunch Defender will abandon valued friends of many years to pursue a parasitic relation with the Mooch. Staunch Defenders will often lash out when the Mooch's credentials are questioned, demanding friends only obey The Mooch. Oftentimes the Staunch Defender is secretly pursuing an agenda of a relationship or sexual conquest with the Mooch. Staunch Defenders often evolve into Venomous Friends after the Mooch has used them up.
A second breed of User-Cheerleader is the Groupie. The Groupie has NO personal knowledge of the Mooch, but desires him in some way and will attempt to defray negative comments with "He seems so nice" and "Well, you know, 8972 people can be WRONG about him". The Groupies are in fact a less evolved version of The Playa; they seek to add The Mooch to their sexual conquests or Inner Circle. The Groupie often appears as a User-Cheerleader of The Playa and the Gossip Queen as well.
Identifying The Mooch:
It is a blazingly simple task to identify The Mooch in the wild, or at your favorite bar. When interacting with a possible Mooch, pose the following questions:
A) Has The Mooch moved more than two times in a year, on a yearly basis? If so, he may be running from the bad press generated by bankrupt exes and roomates left holding the financial bag.
B) Has the suspected Mooch not held down a job in the past year? Has he HAD a job within the past year? Please note, working one day at a job or constantly "interviewing" does not count. If the possible Mooch has no real job or support structure of his own, he may have been draining his friends & lovers dry financially before setting his sights on you.
C) Does the potential Mooch badmouth former roomates and lovers who are known to be kind with outrageous stories of physical or mental abuse? Considering that the truth may alert you, The Mooch may slyly lie to you to confuse you and believe he was truly the wronged party. Since men can be so fickle & disloyal in their friendships, here is a simple formula to help you determine a possible Mooch:
# of years knowing badmouthed friend/ # of days/months knowing the possible Mooch
+
lust or personal desire quotient + naivete/common sense x 2
This simple formula should aid you in determining whom to believe initially, helping to identify The Mooch.
D) Has the possible Mooch not paid you the slightest attention until you acquired your trust fund/winning lottery ticket/swanky new pad or million dollar lottery ticket? If not, any sudden interest on the Mooch's part may be solely in what you can provide him.
E) Finally, we have the drama quotient. As a species, The Mooch has unusually high Drama scores, often relating tales of his hunger/poverty/innocence to all who'll listen. As most adults are aware that one controls one's own fate, this will be the final step in identifying The Mooch.
Next Installment: The Playa and his subspecies, The Ingenue and Sweet Child O' Mine.
*end 50's infofilm*
As an aside, I imagine i will get a rash of hateful comments and that all too-common anonymous posting decrying this Guide.
I expect it. Some who read this will see themselves. Others will seek to defend parasites they know. However it plays out, the people who most strongly object to this will be the Users themselves or the devoted victims thereof.
All I have to say is fine, bring it on. Please however, get some debating skills, because I've tired of hearing the same squawking broken record again & again. If you must be an asshole, at least have the grace to be an entertaining one.
I try not to get involved in drama, particulary of the he said, he said crowd, but despite best intentions, *whomp* I've gotten sucked in. I'm not going to name names or create a litany of who did whats. Instead, I'm going to do something positive.
Welcome to The Field Guide for the Naive, Vol.1: Users and You.
*cue bad 50's infofilm music*
The key to not getting used by the mooks of the world is to identify and neuter the fuckos before they can cause massive damage to you & yours. With experience, this is a fairly simple process that you too, the naive, lust-blinded, one-story hearing drama princesses of the world can use to differentiate REAL friends from the circle of users you MAY call buds. Trip with me now as we begin classifying the various breeds of users.
1) The Mooch: We all know them, or have heard of them. Friends or roomates that seem coated in teflon when a check hits the dinner table or whom mysteriously are always "interviewing" for a job for several YEARS, and whom cannot ever seem to contribute to the household. This same breed of loser tends to drift from city to city, moving frequently to live with new online friends after burning bridges elsewhere. This User can regularly be seen to buddy up to people when he wants something, such as free air travel, money, or living space. Promising sex, eternal brotherhood, or a relationship, this user is coasting through life desperately seeking to acheive maximum slack while living the highlife.
This breed of user produces a sub-type of User-Cheerleader: The Staunch Defender. The Staunch Defender will forgoe all reason, friendships, and sanity to defend the actions of this louse. Despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary, The Staunch Defender will make a martyr out of the Mooch, always choosing to believe that "everyone's betrayed him" or he's "had a hard life". Often, the Staunch Defender will abandon valued friends of many years to pursue a parasitic relation with the Mooch. Staunch Defenders will often lash out when the Mooch's credentials are questioned, demanding friends only obey The Mooch. Oftentimes the Staunch Defender is secretly pursuing an agenda of a relationship or sexual conquest with the Mooch. Staunch Defenders often evolve into Venomous Friends after the Mooch has used them up.
A second breed of User-Cheerleader is the Groupie. The Groupie has NO personal knowledge of the Mooch, but desires him in some way and will attempt to defray negative comments with "He seems so nice" and "Well, you know, 8972 people can be WRONG about him". The Groupies are in fact a less evolved version of The Playa; they seek to add The Mooch to their sexual conquests or Inner Circle. The Groupie often appears as a User-Cheerleader of The Playa and the Gossip Queen as well.
Identifying The Mooch:
It is a blazingly simple task to identify The Mooch in the wild, or at your favorite bar. When interacting with a possible Mooch, pose the following questions:
A) Has The Mooch moved more than two times in a year, on a yearly basis? If so, he may be running from the bad press generated by bankrupt exes and roomates left holding the financial bag.
B) Has the suspected Mooch not held down a job in the past year? Has he HAD a job within the past year? Please note, working one day at a job or constantly "interviewing" does not count. If the possible Mooch has no real job or support structure of his own, he may have been draining his friends & lovers dry financially before setting his sights on you.
C) Does the potential Mooch badmouth former roomates and lovers who are known to be kind with outrageous stories of physical or mental abuse? Considering that the truth may alert you, The Mooch may slyly lie to you to confuse you and believe he was truly the wronged party. Since men can be so fickle & disloyal in their friendships, here is a simple formula to help you determine a possible Mooch:
# of years knowing badmouthed friend/ # of days/months knowing the possible Mooch
+
lust or personal desire quotient + naivete/common sense x 2
This simple formula should aid you in determining whom to believe initially, helping to identify The Mooch.
D) Has the possible Mooch not paid you the slightest attention until you acquired your trust fund/winning lottery ticket/swanky new pad or million dollar lottery ticket? If not, any sudden interest on the Mooch's part may be solely in what you can provide him.
E) Finally, we have the drama quotient. As a species, The Mooch has unusually high Drama scores, often relating tales of his hunger/poverty/innocence to all who'll listen. As most adults are aware that one controls one's own fate, this will be the final step in identifying The Mooch.
Next Installment: The Playa and his subspecies, The Ingenue and Sweet Child O' Mine.
*end 50's infofilm*
As an aside, I imagine i will get a rash of hateful comments and that all too-common anonymous posting decrying this Guide.
I expect it. Some who read this will see themselves. Others will seek to defend parasites they know. However it plays out, the people who most strongly object to this will be the Users themselves or the devoted victims thereof.
All I have to say is fine, bring it on. Please however, get some debating skills, because I've tired of hearing the same squawking broken record again & again. If you must be an asshole, at least have the grace to be an entertaining one.
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no subject
Date: 2002-09-06 09:23 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2002-09-06 10:31 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2002-09-06 10:39 pm (UTC)I hope you also cover the psudo or unintentional that sometimes get confused with these types.
What about historic examples?
I mean the current one could be:
The suiters to Homers wife in the Illiad (or was that the Odasey)
Viking Raiders
The Pilgrams to the Indians
Kato Kalin to O.J.
Jack on "Will and Grace"
Cunningham in "Rob Roy"
The Normans to the Saxons
Some are undoubtedly in the wrong catagory, but that's why we need examples.
Oh, and will there be a quiz?
no subject
Date: 2002-09-07 02:32 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2002-09-07 04:48 am (UTC)Naw.....
No, it not about you. I was using Mooch in the common parlance. Just remember not to be sensitive since you chose a name thats basically a deragatory term.
I still love ya. :-)
no subject
Date: 2002-09-07 12:07 pm (UTC)