Choose Facism!

[vianegativa]

So, I've been lolling around the concept of ditching everyone that I have on my friends list whom hasn't been reciprocal.

My first thought was, "How Petty. Just because they have no interest in your journal doesn't mean they're not fascinating."

Then I pondered, "If they don't want to know about me, why bother learning more of them?"

I suppose this all stems from my using LiveJournal as a more personal archive than the neo-gay/Bear Propaganda machine certain people use it for.

We ALL see those journals:

"Well, journal, I'm in a pretty place with pretty friends drinking pretty drinks. I think tomorrow I'll talk more about all the pretty places I've been, and how peachy my life is. Pretty thoughts abound because I have THE perfect life, with THE perfect friends, and THE perfect job. In fact, NBC is looking to make a Pretty sitcom about me soon! Tee-Hee!"

I hate that shit.

Maybe I take personal rejections of my journal more grimly because I see them as a personal failure on my part; if you leave my journal, I wasn't cool or interesting enough.

Welcome to the New Media Whore House. Your self-worth is measured in Neilsen ratings.

My vanity is thus: I think/hope that people list me as a Friend because I appeal to them on some level, that on some real level I'm not nearly as bland and translucent as I feel at times.

Jesus. I have picked THE wrong forum to reflect my self-worth, eh?

Anyway, I'll try to be less thin-skinned about the whole affair. This journal has helped me clarify some of my internal processes, and I'll keep up at that.

This has been My Infotainment Ego Affair, signing off.

Comments

[cabearcub.livejournal.com]

Just from my perspective, it's hard to judge people's interest in you or your journal based on comments they leave, etc. It's a known fact that people don't feel comfortable responding to someone who posts something down or upsetting. Either that, or you get "huggs", etc. I personally read each entry that you post; but I don't always, actually rarely comment. I am not sure I have anything relevant or helpful to say. Maybe that is why you don't comment on my journal...I don't know.

The people on my friends list are the people whose journals I am interested in reading...that's 90% of my criteria. I have 60 people on my friends list, and only about 15 comment on my journal with any regularity.

You don't seem at all the type to be thin-skinned enough to play that game. If you wonder if someone cares..ask them

Lordy!

[sonoranbear.livejournal.com]

"Well, journal, I'm in a pretty place with pretty friends drinking pretty drinks. I think tomorrow I'll talk more about all the pretty places I've been, and how peachy my life is. Pretty thoughts abound because I have THE perfect life, with THE perfect friends, and THE perfect job. In fact, NBC is looking to make a Pretty sitcom about me soon! Tee-Hee!"

I hope I don't come across that vapidly in my journal. I know I often make entries that talk about my happiness and travels but my life has been far from picture perfect in any shape or form.

While I don't tend to be very vocal in replying to my friends and online acquaintances yours is a journal I always look forward to reading.

So I guess what I'm saying is thanks for the perspective and if you like, keep me around.

Re: Lordy!

[vianegativa.livejournal.com]

No dear Bear, yours was not the journal that set my mind to reeling.

After all, you used the word precognition today!

Re: Lordy!

[brillig01.livejournal.com]

I knew he was going to use that word. :') Certainly, one shouldn't look to their friends list for validation of their worth. Many people, I assume, have a butt load of friends already and just couldn't possibly add another and give their entries the time they deserve. Personally, I don't care much what other people put in their journals, because I see it as totally a self-involved medium. If it doesn't appeal to me, I just don't add them. It's all about me. And yours is all about you. Oh but there are a few that I really enjoy because of their ability to write. ultrabithorax is one that I really enjoy. Another is drood who also has a website that does an advice column parody.

If I have no common interests, find that they are continually spitting bile or just are as vapid as the example you gave, I usually just don't add them (unless they are good looking). If I add you to my friends list be sure that I find you either very interest or very good looking or both. Generally, all my friends are both. The good looking ones...well, I'm single and horny, what can I say? You, of course, are a both. ;)

Painting about terrible painters makes for a terrible picture

[nfotxn.livejournal.com]

Jesus. I have picked THE wrong forum to reflect my self-worth, eh?

Not really, this is another internal process much like the others you feel keeping a journal has helped you clarify. Depending on others for this process of course makes you dependant. Which is ironically enough a very unattractive feature to have.

Write truthfully, concisely and think about what you reflect on and those who respond will of course be of a higher calibur. If you feel you competing for Neilson ratings I'm pretty sure you could just drop into the transparent shallowness that makes up a lot of journals.

But you're obviously capable of more. So get on with it already ;)

[grande.livejournal.com]

Whatever dude, do what you feel. I make changes on my friends list arbitrarily and I don't need anyone else's opinions on it. I don't even look at it half of the time. Sometimes I'll add people only to find that they've already added me. Just do what you want, if someone is unhappy with it, let them say why, and if it doesn't jive with you, fuck 'em.

But I'm slightly bitter right now, so my view is askew.

[bigbear4xl.livejournal.com]

I got mired in the "Friends List" thing a while back. I became obssessed with having as many people on it as I possibly could. I spent a lot of time trolling through the friends lists of the people I had on my friends list and adding people who in any way appealed to me, either by user photos or journal content or general vibe. It came to the point where I was spending quite a lot of time reading through daily journal entries of all of these people I had added to my friends list, few of whom were actually, in reality, friends. I realized I had become terribly bogged down in the daily reading/responding cycle and was no longer getting out of LJ was I was hoping to get out of it. It also became clear that the time that I would have to devote to LJ reading & commenting was getting less and less every day.

So I cleaned house. People do it. The thing I learned from my adventures with the friends list is that it isn't a friends list at all, but a list of bookmarks; bookmarks of the journals of people you may (or may not) know and of journals you may (or may not) be very interested in. Someone of these people will be friends in real life, outside of LJ, or they may be vague acquaintances, or friends of friends, or you may not know them at all.

I have had a few people drop me as their "friend" without explanation or (to me) reason and on more than one occasion it seemed my budding friendship with this person or that person was doing quite well when I was unceremoniously dumped. I could name 3 people offhand who flushed me when I thought we had some good entry/response/reaction dialogue going and whom I thought I was friends with, at least in that online friendship way. That, I didn't and still don't understand. Well, I think I have an idea why, but it isn't worth mentioning.

The short end of it is, don't let it get to you that much. Some people play games with their friends list and some people are attention whores who pull stunts with their friends list to get attention. Some people are just plain fucktards.

I got mine down to its current state using the following criteria: 1) People I know for real and for true and not always solely on the in-person basis, but whom I was at least already friends with before LJ came along, 2) people who have been there a long time and with whom I have a good LJ or online relationship with 3) People with interesting journals or something to say, whether I know them or not.

Block that metaphor

[ultrabithorax.livejournal.com]

          "Friend" is another instance of dopey, cutie-pie UI design. You're tripping over it everywhere now: your "desktop" doesn't involve furniture, your "shopping cart" has no wheels, your "folder" vanishes without a trace when you drop it into the "trash can", the "room" is doorless and windowless and airless as the Moon but you still "chat" there . . . .
          One day, the UI community is gonna twig to the fact that most people really, really do know how to operate a computer without the conceptual handholding. I mean, what if you had to manipulate "picture frames" or "magic mirrors" or "reflecting pools" to change TV channels? What if you had to "load" imaginary "coal" inot your electric self-cleaning oven?

[urso.livejournal.com]

I've been accused of whining too much in my journal.

So much of the past few months here in Tucson have been a joy, but after posting about that the first couple of weeks, you need something different... so I post about what things I would like to change in my life, etc.... which can come across as whining.

If I had a perfect life, there'd be no reason to post. My journal is more for myself than for my friends, to be honest, and I've even posted things that won't be seen by anyone but me. I've often wonder how many people really use that option.

you get what you pay for

[cubia.livejournal.com]

Howdy!
I just added you to my friends list...and I do intend to read your thoughts and whatnot, as well as respond when I feel I won't come accros as a vapid person!
I enjoy finding people who are intellectual, well educated, and enjoy letting someone else read about what is going on in their lives! (Thus, the reason I added you...and no, it had ABSOLUTELY nothing to do with the comment about better naked pictures of yourself, or the fact that you are a handsome bear...erm...Ok..so they both influenced me a tad...but that was only icing on the cake! *G*)

you get what you pay for

[cubia.livejournal.com]

Howdy!
I just added you to my friends list...and I do intend to read your thoughts and whatnot, as well as respond when I feel I won't come across as a vapid person!
I enjoy finding people who are intellectual, well educated, and enjoy letting someone else read about what is going on in their lives! (Thus, the reason I added you...and no, it had ABSOLUTELY nothing to do with the comment about better naked pictures of yourself, or the fact that you are a handsome bear...erm...Ok..so they both influenced me a tad...but that was only icing on the cake! *G*)

[ombraorsa.livejournal.com]

I've gone through the same thing ... I left people on my friends list because they kept me on theirs. Now I only have the people on my list that I really care about, and who I feel have something to say. It's not about whether or not they're friends in the traditional sense.

By the way, if you're worried about it being an expression of your self worth, I should tell you that I really enjoy reading your journal. I haven't been writing in mine nearly enough for fear that I might really disturb people with my rantings and ramblings. Your journal, at least in my eyes, expresses what you're feeling without regard to the world around you, and isn't that what a journal's all about? Plus, I love your writing style and often find things in your journal to which I can directly relate.

[bitterlawngnome.livejournal.com]

I think you have to trust that people who subscribe to your journal do so because they want to read it (for one reason or another), and I don't think it always means they expect you to read their journal. For my own part, the idea of someone feeling they HAD to read my journal is sorta distressing, I would much prefer people to just do as they wish with the reciprocal friends thing. It saves me having to do the "caretaking" when people care for themselves, if you know what I mean.

[polomex.livejournal.com]

So... entries are only interesting if they're about non-pretty things?

Granted, I'm one of the best (worst?) cynics I know, and perfect sing-songy posts don't fly well with me either... but even *I* have my own moments. *shrug* I suppose moments like those aren't very interesting.

look more closely.

[vianegativa.livejournal.com]

Welcome to the "You Ought To Know Better" club.

*slap*

I made that post to very pointedly skewer those on LJ who create entries full of pap. centered on the pretense that their life is grand. These people generally use LJ as a propaganda machine, or as a dating primer, or to gain dish on other LJ'ers.

I'm not saying happy posts are less interesting; I'm saying that obviously false, saccharine posts drive me bonkers.

You, young cub, are certainly smart enough to differentiate. Rough night?

Re: look more closely.

[polomex.livejournal.com]

Ahh.. the infamous fictional LJ. Yeah, I've seen a few. I'm not sure which is more irritating: their existence, or the people who believe them.

And no worries. It's just been a Crabby Day.

No Insult Intended....

[vianegativa.livejournal.com]

That was said with much love, FYI. :-)

[scrwtape.livejournal.com]

"Well, journal, I'm in a pretty place with pretty friends drinking pretty drinks."

I got a few of them on my list, they amuze me like watching the random "Real World." I admit I'm envious occasionally but then I go, "Rod, these people are exactly as 2D as this LJ, you'd hate these people in person.

I haven't beenposting lately because I've been swamped with stuff that I have to do with my faith but I view this journal as a way of looking at myself. Fuck anyone that doesn't want to look or only wants to see if "I'm pretty."

I like your posts, they are thoughtful and funny. Don't take it personally when few or nobody posts. Usually it means that there is little to add cause you got a handle on it, which means you are more mature than 3/4th of LJ.