My Post-Sex Fucking Post
Sep. 14th, 2006 11:52 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
vianegativaOk, I'm going to rant about what others may see as a minor point.
For every complaint about a gay subculture being "just about sex", be it bear, leather, chub or Log Cabin Repulican I say: "Duh, Dumbass."
Our overall point of differentiation in the gay culture is a sexual preference for the same gender. Not politics, not knitting, not Transformers. Our unique identity as gay folk REVOLVES around both our desire to bed our fellow man and often the pursuit of happiness in relationships with the same, so when I hear such wonderful bollocks such as "group x is ALL ABOUT SEX" in the gay world I want to slap the naivete off the person saying it. Of course it is. Any descriptors you attach to the gay culture afterwards, bear, twink, leather, etc are all categorizations of the same culture with the same binding commonality of wanting to shag each other. If you dislike the sexual aspect of being gay you may not wish to participate in a subculture based around sexual preference.
To those who bemoan that a group is purely carnal, I suggest you talk with a straight woman to find out just how often they deal with straight men being "just about sex" in any & every given social situation. It's a human phenomenon; you can either accept it & navigate it with aplomb or cut off your fucking genitalia, board the Strawberry Shortcake express and live with the Care Bears in Care-A-Lot.
Fair warning though; they'll probably be fucking too, so have your post-Care Bear game face on for them, too.
PLEASE BE ADVISED: YOU & ME BABY AIN'T NOTHIN' BUT MAMMALS
For every complaint about a gay subculture being "just about sex", be it bear, leather, chub or Log Cabin Repulican I say: "Duh, Dumbass."
Our overall point of differentiation in the gay culture is a sexual preference for the same gender. Not politics, not knitting, not Transformers. Our unique identity as gay folk REVOLVES around both our desire to bed our fellow man and often the pursuit of happiness in relationships with the same, so when I hear such wonderful bollocks such as "group x is ALL ABOUT SEX" in the gay world I want to slap the naivete off the person saying it. Of course it is. Any descriptors you attach to the gay culture afterwards, bear, twink, leather, etc are all categorizations of the same culture with the same binding commonality of wanting to shag each other. If you dislike the sexual aspect of being gay you may not wish to participate in a subculture based around sexual preference.
To those who bemoan that a group is purely carnal, I suggest you talk with a straight woman to find out just how often they deal with straight men being "just about sex" in any & every given social situation. It's a human phenomenon; you can either accept it & navigate it with aplomb or cut off your fucking genitalia, board the Strawberry Shortcake express and live with the Care Bears in Care-A-Lot.
Fair warning though; they'll probably be fucking too, so have your post-Care Bear game face on for them, too.
PLEASE BE ADVISED: YOU & ME BABY AIN'T NOTHIN' BUT MAMMALS
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no subject
Date: 2006-09-14 05:29 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-09-14 05:35 pm (UTC)I'm curious.
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Date: 2006-09-14 05:45 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-09-14 06:44 pm (UTC)Sex is the biological drive to reproduce, and since we're all on this plane in our beautiful & messy human bodies we need to understand that's part of our experience, and not revile it.
I believe in faith and growth and the ability of mankind to surpass base urges, but frankly I believe that exists on an individual basis, at least right where we are on the evolutionary ladder. People are beautiful, wondrous and breathtaking. Groups of people are far less so and I treat groups with the lowest common denominator, that of pursuing the objective for which they were formed. Beardom exists so men might find masculine guys of a certain appearance for companionship and sexual encounters; the Catholic Church exists (statedly) to save souls. I'd be vastly foolish to not keep each groups purpose in mind when dealing with them, be it one of spiritual or carnal nature. I wouldn't join the Catholic church & dog the rosary, so I find it ridiculous that people who identify as Bear become irate at the sexual element to that group.
On an individual basis, people make choices as to what they find acceptable, and therein lies my hope for people in general. Social group, however, are created based on similar interests, not individual mores.
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Date: 2006-09-14 05:30 pm (UTC)It's total academia at that point.
I've also had thoughts that things are 'all about sex' as well. I think people aren't being as concise as they could be in that regard. What (I think) their issue is is that the FOCUS of the group is about sex.
Mostly though I think that people who lodge that complaint are:
1) making assumptions about a group they've never been a part of.
2) trying to muster outrage out of a molehill.
Clubs and groups which hang out mostly at bars and bathhouses are more likely to be about sex because of the climate. No shit. And yet, since you've never been a member, you also don't see the charity drives, the helpful faces helping guys move or get over heartbreak or the general sense of community which comes from keeping your clothes on.
Sex is nothing to get so worked up about! It's just like watching the 700 club on tv. If you don't like it, change the channel. Or start your own group if you don't like what's around you.
The squeaky wheel should get off the pot.
(sorry, kind of joined you on that rant there LOL)
whoa...
Date: 2006-09-14 05:39 pm (UTC)I was just talking to Chris
Now, thats not entirely fair. The whole there are more things that connect us than tear us apart is valid and true. But I don't go to parties to sit around and Kumbaya myself into a Zen like experience. I go to have fun, to mingle, to meet cool people and enjoy things. For good or ill, we all lived focus, purpose-driven lives.
I go to person X cause i want to play video games with him. I go to person Y cause we may want to catch a movie or a show. I go to person Z cause he's hot and I like looking at him. We all have varied motivations for the things we do. Every group, every culture and every setting has a purpose towards it.
And many of them are non-sexual. Gay gamers getting together to game, theater queens getting together to catch a show, gay academic theorists getting together to beat each other over the head with post-potivist rhetoric; all these groups are very non-sexual. But they are also getting together for something besides being gay. Even gay people committed same-sex marriage are still just people committed to a cause.
But gay people, just getting together cause they are all gay? Mixed together all of them with different interests and purposes? Some of them will find others that match interest, a new participant in the gay gaming group. But many of them will look at one another and see the one thing they both have in common: dick = good. And if they happen to be sexually compatible, then its fair to say that they may spend some time in the gay sex commonality before finding out that they are both afficionados of 1830s religious poetry.
And there is nothing wrong with that. Or the poetry. But a group that sticks together just for sexual purposes usually gets very boring; eventually every group stays together because of a deeper and more stable joint purpose.
I'm blabbering again. Back to work.
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Date: 2006-09-14 05:51 pm (UTC)fuck everyone!
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Date: 2006-09-15 02:38 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-09-14 06:15 pm (UTC)Signed,
A Crocheter
...who..also...knits. But still! HAHA!
(hehehe)
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Date: 2006-09-15 12:46 am (UTC)OK, that's enough. You're BOTH pretty pretty princesses, OK?! Sheesh.
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Date: 2006-09-15 02:40 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-09-14 06:15 pm (UTC)That's funny... my "gay" life has rarely been about sex.
Perhaps it's what you make of it.
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Date: 2006-09-14 06:44 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-09-14 06:56 pm (UTC)If it wasn't about sex you would be straight.
NEXT!!!
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Date: 2006-09-14 07:00 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-09-15 12:05 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-09-15 01:24 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-09-15 12:47 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-09-15 01:28 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-09-14 07:14 pm (UTC)Whoa, no loftiness intended big guy. Just wanted to make a point that my life and my experience as a gay man has been different from Mr. Vianegativa's.
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Date: 2006-09-14 07:37 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-09-14 07:42 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-09-14 07:48 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-09-14 06:19 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-09-14 07:40 pm (UTC);)
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Date: 2006-09-15 12:18 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-09-15 12:48 am (UTC)But Chris would bury me under Star Wars figurines.
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Date: 2006-09-15 06:21 pm (UTC)That's just madness. Madness, I say!
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Date: 2006-09-14 06:54 pm (UTC)I am about ready to rant myself about the little dicked alcaholic bearded golddigging women in the bear community who criticize those of us who have been active participants in the culture for years (like myself) who have seen it evolve into a commercialized Disneyworld for hairy faggots.
Especially to all of those who try to make a political agenda out of my genitals, EAT SHIT!
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Date: 2006-09-14 07:08 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-09-14 07:24 pm (UTC)A rose by any other name.. would still smell like cat food?
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Date: 2006-09-14 07:25 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-09-15 02:43 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-09-14 07:19 pm (UTC)The definition of "gay" is about SEXUAL preference, just as is the definition of "straight"! How do you define either without sex being part of the explanation?
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Date: 2006-09-15 02:46 am (UTC)*mini-lesson over*
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Date: 2006-09-15 03:28 am (UTC)My defense is that I see nothing wrong with being gay at all and whether choice or genetics or an overbearing mother decides that it makes no difference.
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Date: 2006-09-15 05:52 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-09-14 07:21 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-09-14 10:38 pm (UTC)I just think that, both as a culture and individually, we could do a much better job at balancing that identity with other aspects of our identity.
Or more to the point, we are in part who we love and fuck, but we are also much more than who or what we do in bed.
Let's do it like they do on the discovery channel
Date: 2006-09-14 10:48 pm (UTC)If your only target audience is gay men, then you're looking for sex, like it or not. Oh, I suppose I could make an argument about looking for the gay culture--chiffon and drag, Madonna and Cher, Will and Grace and Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, Pride (and prejudice), and all the other stereotypes that are out there. But I think that's few and far between.
Frankly, the people complaining about things 'being all about sex' are, in my opinion, desperately searching for 'greater meaning' because they think sex is dirty and sinful and shallow. With one brush they tar all the rest of us as shallow sluts who don't look for anything deeper and smugly strut their superiority that they're not as depraved as us.
Well, okay, so *I'm* slutty and sinful and depraved, but I like it that way, and you'd be hard pressed to convince me I'm shallow. And just because I like it that way doesn't mean I'm not also looking for the deeper things in life. I just have fun along the way, that's all.
My current thoughts on that include you, me, a thick soft rug and a roaring fireplace with some good wine or 420. I'll bring the massage oil, you bring yourself. Oh, and you can invite some friends along if you like. ;)
Re: Let's do it like they do on the discovery channel
Date: 2006-09-15 02:51 am (UTC)Good thoughts of yours here. Especially letting Matt invite friends to that rug. Hi, I'm Karl. Fellow slutty sinner.
Re: Let's do it like they do on the discovery channel
Date: 2006-09-15 02:48 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-09-15 02:33 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-09-15 02:05 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-09-15 02:50 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-09-15 03:22 am (UTC)