A Moment To Breathe, Part One
Feb. 22nd, 2007 03:09 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
vianegativaIt's been awhile, no?
I haven't posted anything of substance in some time simply because my life has been non-stop for the past two months. That's not to imply it's been bad; mostly quite the opposite, but I've had precious little time for the past few months. Everything has been a blur, and when I do find time to stop and think about what's going on, it's usually just before my head hits the pillow. What I do know is that I seem to be changing on several levels, and I feel that I'm changing for the better. So, what's been going on in Mattland?
I have been enrolled in night school for five weeks or so. I'm taking two courses, Fundamentals of Speech Communications and Introduction to Financial Accounting. Yes, yes, I know. Thrilling stuff; I try not to combust with excitement every time I prepare an adjusted trial balance. Accounting, which I'm not too thrilled about, is part and parcel of getting the needed credits so I can transfer away from my current two-year college to a real yoo-ni-versa-T! I seem to have gotten a new drive to finish things out, but just as I was taking my zeal and putting my mind to which school I'd like to go to I found that College of DuPage's transfer requirements fell short of what universities like Loyola, DePaul and U of I specifically wanted. I feel a bit crestfallen... no that's not quite it. I feel defeated because I won't get my associates degree until 2008/2009. I'll walk into any college I'm applying to with nearly 90 credits, a good chunk of which will be scrapped or denied transfer. The whole process has me angry, and I feel like the entire reason universities exist is not to enlighten, but to keep people from achieving some stupid pedigree I need to justify my having the job I'm currently at. For the first time ever I am frustrated with school; the entire shebang feels pointless and I'm wading through classes I have no passion for. Worse yet, I'm discovering that I'll have to pull three classes per semester starting in the fall just to be done close to when I was hoping. I'm trying not to allow the setbacks to overwhelm me. Still, despite my frustration I'm doing well and I'm aiming to get A's in my classes.
My cat of twenty-two years, Cindy, was in the veterinary hospital from last Tuesday till last Saturday. I originally brought her in with what was a horrible urinary tract infection, only to find when she was x-rayed and had blood work done that she had a host of other things wrong with her, from hyperthyroidism to infected gums to several tumors, one of which is in front of her heart. She was so ill they put her on an IV drip and had to give her oxygen twice to help her recovery. Obviously, none of the vets gave me anything other than a grim prognosis and on one evening I was set to go in to put her to sleep on a vet's very roundabout recommendation. Despite the huge costs of her care I decided I owed her a shot at getting better, and my little girl came through the worst of it. The fact of the matter is that at age twenty-two there is little they can do to alleviate her other problems. Her little body is simply too frail to remove the tumors and even if she could survive, operating on the tumor near her heart would be foolish at best. So rather than put her to sleep somewhere that smelled of scared animals and stainless steel, I decided to bring her home and let her enjoy her remaining days. The vet was kind enough to load her up on several days of pain killers before releasing her, and I've been giving her antibiotics each day. She seems like her old self but each day she gets a bit quieter and a bit less active. When she passes, it will be on her favorite blanket in a warm house, but until then I'm spoiling her with food and catnip. I want her to make her exit having had the life of Riley at the end.
I have met some very special people; I can't elaborate too much on that but it's funny to me how when you set your mind to one course of action, the universe skips up and presents you with a completely different direction to go in. Friends and relationships have become centered in my thoughts lately. I'm beginning to see how unfocused I've been regarding some friends and I've started to realize that I have to be very careful about who I pour my attentions into. I have tried so very hard to be the type of person everyone gets along with and in that I've ended up distancing myself from some very good people. I had a bit of an epiphany in that I don't need to return every shred of attention or interest that I receive; doing that only opens me up to relationships with people who want to swallow someone whole. Rather, I'm evaluating the people I know, trying to determine if this is the type of person I want in my life and whether or not they are healthy to be around. If anything, these past few months have made me realize my limits and that pouring energy into unhealthy or needy relationships is the best way to sabotage everything. A quantity of friends is fine for some, but I'm trying to focus more on the quality of my relationships. In the anonymous meme a few weeks back many of the posts talked about not having enough time together or missing me. I don't wish to be a ghost in the lives of good friends who honestly care about me.
Part II will be along later today...
I haven't posted anything of substance in some time simply because my life has been non-stop for the past two months. That's not to imply it's been bad; mostly quite the opposite, but I've had precious little time for the past few months. Everything has been a blur, and when I do find time to stop and think about what's going on, it's usually just before my head hits the pillow. What I do know is that I seem to be changing on several levels, and I feel that I'm changing for the better. So, what's been going on in Mattland?
I have been enrolled in night school for five weeks or so. I'm taking two courses, Fundamentals of Speech Communications and Introduction to Financial Accounting. Yes, yes, I know. Thrilling stuff; I try not to combust with excitement every time I prepare an adjusted trial balance. Accounting, which I'm not too thrilled about, is part and parcel of getting the needed credits so I can transfer away from my current two-year college to a real yoo-ni-versa-T! I seem to have gotten a new drive to finish things out, but just as I was taking my zeal and putting my mind to which school I'd like to go to I found that College of DuPage's transfer requirements fell short of what universities like Loyola, DePaul and U of I specifically wanted. I feel a bit crestfallen... no that's not quite it. I feel defeated because I won't get my associates degree until 2008/2009. I'll walk into any college I'm applying to with nearly 90 credits, a good chunk of which will be scrapped or denied transfer. The whole process has me angry, and I feel like the entire reason universities exist is not to enlighten, but to keep people from achieving some stupid pedigree I need to justify my having the job I'm currently at. For the first time ever I am frustrated with school; the entire shebang feels pointless and I'm wading through classes I have no passion for. Worse yet, I'm discovering that I'll have to pull three classes per semester starting in the fall just to be done close to when I was hoping. I'm trying not to allow the setbacks to overwhelm me. Still, despite my frustration I'm doing well and I'm aiming to get A's in my classes.
My cat of twenty-two years, Cindy, was in the veterinary hospital from last Tuesday till last Saturday. I originally brought her in with what was a horrible urinary tract infection, only to find when she was x-rayed and had blood work done that she had a host of other things wrong with her, from hyperthyroidism to infected gums to several tumors, one of which is in front of her heart. She was so ill they put her on an IV drip and had to give her oxygen twice to help her recovery. Obviously, none of the vets gave me anything other than a grim prognosis and on one evening I was set to go in to put her to sleep on a vet's very roundabout recommendation. Despite the huge costs of her care I decided I owed her a shot at getting better, and my little girl came through the worst of it. The fact of the matter is that at age twenty-two there is little they can do to alleviate her other problems. Her little body is simply too frail to remove the tumors and even if she could survive, operating on the tumor near her heart would be foolish at best. So rather than put her to sleep somewhere that smelled of scared animals and stainless steel, I decided to bring her home and let her enjoy her remaining days. The vet was kind enough to load her up on several days of pain killers before releasing her, and I've been giving her antibiotics each day. She seems like her old self but each day she gets a bit quieter and a bit less active. When she passes, it will be on her favorite blanket in a warm house, but until then I'm spoiling her with food and catnip. I want her to make her exit having had the life of Riley at the end.
I have met some very special people; I can't elaborate too much on that but it's funny to me how when you set your mind to one course of action, the universe skips up and presents you with a completely different direction to go in. Friends and relationships have become centered in my thoughts lately. I'm beginning to see how unfocused I've been regarding some friends and I've started to realize that I have to be very careful about who I pour my attentions into. I have tried so very hard to be the type of person everyone gets along with and in that I've ended up distancing myself from some very good people. I had a bit of an epiphany in that I don't need to return every shred of attention or interest that I receive; doing that only opens me up to relationships with people who want to swallow someone whole. Rather, I'm evaluating the people I know, trying to determine if this is the type of person I want in my life and whether or not they are healthy to be around. If anything, these past few months have made me realize my limits and that pouring energy into unhealthy or needy relationships is the best way to sabotage everything. A quantity of friends is fine for some, but I'm trying to focus more on the quality of my relationships. In the anonymous meme a few weeks back many of the posts talked about not having enough time together or missing me. I don't wish to be a ghost in the lives of good friends who honestly care about me.
Part II will be along later today...
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no subject
Date: 2007-02-22 09:26 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-02-22 09:36 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-02-22 10:25 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-02-22 10:18 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-02-22 10:27 pm (UTC)Thank you for your thoughts.
no subject
Date: 2007-02-22 11:08 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-02-22 11:44 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-02-23 06:58 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-02-23 09:44 am (UTC)For all the effort of completing a four-year degree, just keep in mind, according the the most recent U.S. census, the average four-year degree graduate earns $27,000 a year more than his high school graduate counterpart. In the long run it opens you up to greater opportunity and advancement. Not that money can buy happiness, but it doesn't hurt.
As far as Cindy is concerned, I'm glad that you took her home for a more comfortable and compassionate life as she winds down. I know it will be more difficult for you, but it makes me feel warm and fuzzy.
It was great to actually meet you at Fiesta.
no subject
Date: 2007-02-23 04:58 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-02-23 09:55 pm (UTC)