(no subject)

[vianegativa]

Have you ever had a moment where you considered someone who you used to be close with and thought,

"I really don't want him in my life anymore"?

How do you handle that? Do you just de-friend them & cut them off or do you let them know why & try to part ways civilly?

Comments

[marinebear.livejournal.com]

civility is usually a good thing. But in this day and age its not the easiest thing to do for some wierd reason.

and on a lighter note..

OMG your de-friending me!?? *cries*

[vianegativa.livejournal.com]

Please. I adore you. You're my favorite Messycan.

[marinebear.livejournal.com]

well there IS only one Messycan.. :)

but seriously I would try the civility route. its always worth a try. If it doesnt work out regardless you didnt want to have them as a friend either way. that sounds kind of messed up dont it?

[vianegativa.livejournal.com]

Yes, but it's true.

[murphy.livejournal.com]

personally, i wouldn't defriend immediately or make any elaborate, definitive cutting off gesture. that only kicks up dust and makes it seem like a rash decision. it invites dialogue which is just further interaction. if you truly feel that way, just stop seeking them out and avoid contact. if you happen to bump into them, be nice but short. soon, they will get the message and drift off. then, hopefully, you can just not like each other like adults.

[vianegativa.livejournal.com]

I'm just learning this whole, "you're not very good for me so we should really part ways politely" gig.

[vianegativa.livejournal.com]

"...not like each other like adults."

Catchy, but I don't dislike the fellow; he's just not worth the flaming hoops he puts up for me to jump through. I only have so much energy & focus & I'd rather spend it on people who are less condescending.

[murphy.livejournal.com]

right. believe me, i understand. but that's what i'm getting at. don't go for confrontation, or hatred, or smear campaigns. just dial in some apathy. choosing to just politely not be friends is a subtle but beautiful shade in between liking and not liking.

[versakub.livejournal.com]

I would imagine that would depend on the circumstances and whether letting them know would do any good.

[vianegativa.livejournal.com]

Honestly? I like to communicate, but this person sees any interaction with me as some additional example of why I'm an evil drama queen. It's probably best to just politely bow-out.

[dizzi-d.livejournal.com]

Until recently I had always treated it as a challenge when there was someone like that in my life. Like I was somehow failing if I couldn't figure out how to get along with them and make things work at some level.

There are people that drift in and out of your life naturally, but I think it's only been the past few years that I've been able to accept the necessity of it and just summon up the guts to say "you know, we really shouldn't know each other - I wish you well, but please - let's not ever communicate again. Really."

And then just cut it off - with neither sound nor fury. Just goodbye (and honestly? good riddance.)

[muckefuck.livejournal.com]

Don't ask, don't tell. If they kick up a fuss and want to know The Reason, then I'll explain (since if I actively don't want someone around, there probably is cause, as opposed to those cases where I simply don't feel strongly enough about the relationship to put work into it), but making a point of doing this seems, at best, insufferably narcissistic and self-righteous. I try not to burn bridges because they won't be the same person in five or ten years, and neither will I.

[polardemonwolf.livejournal.com]

is it me? :(

[vianegativa.livejournal.com]

Why would you think that? No.

[polardemonwolf.livejournal.com]

because with everything else going on with my life, it would figure...

[vianegativa.livejournal.com]

Psssht. No

[strongaxe.livejournal.com]

In the past year, I have had a couple of people whom I consider friends break off contact with me. Neither one would explain why. At least one had the courtesy to tell me to my face that he didn't want to stay in touch. The other just stopped answering messages and I had to discover the fact several months later third-hand. Having this happen from a relative stranger is regrettable, but a common fact of life. Having it happen from a close friend hurts a LOT, and in my case, it messed me up for several months.

I think that suddenly cutting off somebody close without any kind of notice or giving any reason is rude, and robs both sides of closure - them for not knowing what is going on, and also you, because they may keep trying to contact you to find out what is going on (and/or for justifiably thinking you're a rude asshole). A simple "I don't want to stay in touch with you because of (blah blah blah)" doesn't take that much, and can avoid all that.

[spiritquest.livejournal.com]

If you've thought it through and you're sure already, then there's nothing to talk about. Sometimes its cruel to be kind.

[lucentnotion.livejournal.com]

I would go with the being civil route. I've been down the "cut them off" route and it really only leads to hate, anger, and misunderstanding between all parties involved. but whatever you do, don't do it on here! LOL. Livejournal breakups are messy!

[jrjarrett.livejournal.com]

Is a LiveJournal breakup more or less painful than a TXT Message breakup?

[lucentnotion.livejournal.com]

more! cuz everyone can join in on the fun... besides, kelly made txt message breakups cool!

[lostncove.livejournal.com]

Violence is really the only language truly understood worldwide. Go find this person and punch them. No explanation. Just punch them.

How do you handle that?

[indeterminacy.livejournal.com]

RELEASE THE TIGER!!!

[piercedcub.livejournal.com]

I say go the civil route, having a big explosion just makes u look like an ass in the long run

[cubziz.livejournal.com]

I think the easiest way is to just be honest.

Rarely is anything accomplished in shying away from anything.

[leiny.livejournal.com]

tough call.

The silent treatment. If they ask then tell them why.

[neviragin.livejournal.com]

Ive been contemplateing the same thing for a long time now.. and i still dont really have an answer. Mine seems to be that the people in question dont have me friened on their journal.. dont really seem to care at all what goes on in my life, so i ask myself why should I.. and i dunno. If you find an answer lemme know

[polomex.livejournal.com]

It depends on the individual honestly. There are some folks where the relationship has obviously been diminishing slowly, so a "cut-off" isn't a far stretch from the very little communication I'm having with them. Neither they nor I is really surprised that it comes to that.

There are others where I have gone to them directly and said, "I have issue with X part of your life, something that I know is essential to you. I don't expect that to change, and I feel it best for us to distance ourselves, if not part altogether." Again, reactions depend on the individual. One was disappointed, but we couldn't really come to a solution. One turned bitter. And one was more than happy to move on in his life without me.

The fact is, and I'm sure you know this already, there's no steadfast rule or way of handling it.

[thegreenbear.livejournal.com]

I am in that very situation right now.