The Art of Ending "Friendships"...

[vianegativa]

...is something I've needed to learn for quite some time. Part of realizing you can't be there for everyone is prioritizing the people in your life who are worth your attentions.

Thankfully I'm learning to separate the wheat from the chaff.

I have a LOT of good people in my life. Time to start redirecting the energy I've wasted on endless wells of selfishness & negativity onto people who matter.

Comments

[baeritone.livejournal.com]

I've never been very good at that skill either. I'm always afraid that I'm going to miss something, and that there's more to the person than I can see presently. Cutting my losses is a skill that I somehow have never quite mastered. Ah well; I am who I am. :)

[vianegativa.livejournal.com]

Nor I, but as I grow older I realize that wasting my time trying to help people who WANT to be helpless or putting up with the antics of jerks with huge senses of self-entitlement is an utter WASTE.

There are folks out there worth spending time on and I have quite a few of them in my life. Time to change my focus a bit.

[baeritone.livejournal.com]

It's really true....as I get older, I wonder if I'm getting more discriminating regarding those I will give my time, or if I've just gotten tired. :-/

In any case, you, sir, are one of the people I consider to be worth spending time on. :)

[backrubbear.livejournal.com]

I hate to say it, but we've heard that before. :-)

How do you intend to do it different this time?

[vianegativa.livejournal.com]

Frankly I'm just going to tell certain folks I'd rather not talk to them anymore. If they want an explanation I'll give it. Otherwise, I'll just contact drop off.

[bradferd23.livejournal.com]

Very hard to separate the wheat from the chaff... you will find your way. Huggs bubby.

[strongaxe.livejournal.com]

What I find very important is to get adequate closure, on both sides.

One thing that pisses me off immeasurably is friends (sometimes good friends) who suddenly, without warning, just totally stop talking to you, refuse to answer your messages, and you later (through circuitous paths) discover that they've declared you persona non grata for reasons that they've never mentioned to you, or often to anyone else.

It leaves you with some kind of vague guilt about "What did I possibly do wrong?". If I have done something to someone that is sufficiently non-obvious that a question can arise I think that they at least for the sake of whatever friendship we used to have, I at least deserve to be TOLD "I don't want to know you anymore", and why.

I've had this happen to me a few times in recent years, and once it was from someone I considered a close friend, and it messed with my mind for several months (even causing me to lose sleep over it). I don't harbor him any ill will, and still consider him a friend, but I'm no longer willing to invest any of my emotional energy in dealing with a problem he has dealing with other people he supposes have wronged him in some way. (I know of at least two other people he's done this to, so I am content to believe that it's his problem rather than mine).

[vianegativa.livejournal.com]

No, I agree. If they want to know why I'll tell them but honestly, anyone I'd feel the need to cut out of my life would have to be galactically thick and probably wouldn't get the point anyways. I'll still tell them though.

[cubziz.livejournal.com]

I don't know the details on this, but I do agree. Focus on the positives and reduce the negatives. *HUG*

[jiminwi36.livejournal.com]

wow this comes a little to late for some people that belived in you and that where hurt by the same selfidhness you had to offer

[jiminwi36.livejournal.com]

its the samething you have said over and over and over. you said it with me and i have seen you say it with others just another fact of how much things change they stay the same