(no subject)

[vianegativa]

I think, no I know, I have a problem in that if I'm angered enough, I will tell a person precisely what I think of them. This is not A Good Thing, as I happen to know a lot of people that I should just cut ties with rather than fire off a few parting shots. Anything I can possibly say would likely fall on deaf ears and it does nothing in general aside to fan already flaring tempers.

This has happened three times in the past week. In one case, I told a very flaky acquaintance off when he bemoaned why Mike & I didn't hang out with him more. Essentially he'd pop by once every few years then disappear for eight or more months at a time. When I told him he might benefit from being less flaky & not dropping off the face of the earth for nearly a year at a time, he became outraged.

In another case, a particularly aggressive jerk on my BurbBears list was bitching about this, that and the other and essentially berating me for asking for help from the list. When I replied with "since you have such strong opinions, maybe you will organize an event", I got a hateful e-mail from him. I tore into him, but really, is it worth it? The man is perpetually bitter. Nothing I said is anything he'd actually hear.

Again, I got someone some money they were owed this weekend. I did so because I promised them I would and they were in a bit of a financial bind. They were demanding, rude and paranoid, so I reached my saturation point. I blew up & told him precisely what I thought of him, his behavior & how I was treated. It didn't matter of course. He couldn't see what he possibly did wrong. It was maddening & I exploded.

The point is: none of this matters. For all the fury I vented it fell on deaf ears. In fact, all it did was add fuel to the fire of an already volatile situation and in the long run will bite me in the ass as at least two of the people I teed off on are extremely vindictive. In the short term I felt better, but in general? It was an error.

I'm going to try to stop venting at jerks & simply walk away and forget I know them. This will take no small amount of self-control as I fight by my very nature, but frankly? It's useless. I just end up stressing situations more while the people I'm mad at just blithely continue without giving a thought to things.

You can't change the flake, the asshole or the paranoid. Trying to do so and expecting the result to magically change is sheer lunacy.

Here's to picking one's battles from now on.

Comments

[hntr-moon.livejournal.com]

Hey I can tell how much frustration you're having. Part of it (when I get this frustrated) for me is self-sleep deprivation. It makes me fall more prone to what I want to say vs. what I actually do say. I see so much of myself in you. There are countless people in my life with whom I'd like to tell them exactly how I think and feel. But I generally hold back because the short term release does not solve the long term problem. I'm not criticisizing--on the contrary--what you wrote is very empowering. We live in a very me-centered world. I see it all the time with some websites I'm on--as if I'm part personal secretary to people I don't even know. I think if we all made a top 10 or top 15 list of people we want to invest in it would make things so much better. Also, the skill to put yourself in someone else's place is a dying art.

I also think there is an epidemic of lonlieness out there. With the rise of the Internet, people moving, and doing the work of 2 jobs in one--we rarely have any time to know other people so we're not able to build up relationships. We then to turn to the Internet with a bunch of folks just like us. It's a tough scenario and a constantly repeating cycle.

I think you're doing the right thing though--taking a step back and just letting these folks run out of gas. Maybe your silence, in the long run, will be of more value to these folks--since they want you to engage them in this way so they can be victimized. That's all part of how they get validation--someone "attacks" them so then they can be the victim and blame everything on the "attacker."

[bookbear.livejournal.com]

How about I come to Chicago so you can fuck me angry?

[vianegativa.livejournal.com]

You can, but please use a better icon with such an awesome proposition.

[bookbear.livejournal.com]

HA! I forgot which one I used. I thought I had used this one. (From Andy Warhol's "Blowjob."

[bigfundrew.livejournal.com]

I hear ya on this one. I tend to do the same thing. Good luck with the real battles.

[cubziz.livejournal.com]

I feel bad in that I know I haven't been up there very often, and am guilty of that "shows up every few years and then vanishes". I wanna fix it, just really can't afford to make more often trips. *HUG*

But I do understand. I think you should focus on you and Mike and worry less about everyone else who causes you troubles.