Punchbowls

[vianegativa]

The Bear Community is very much like a grand soiree where everyone is chatting warmly amongst friends, a sea of hirsuteness dotted with smiles and laughter where no one is facing the wall and magically, everyone is interesting to at least one other person in the room. Friendships strike up, people get the sexual attention they've been telling themselves they will never deserve since they looked crossways at themselves in a mirror at age thirteen. People exhale, and with that breath the weight of expectations of gay culture shakes loose and they can simply be. It's Studio54 for the tubby, disenfranchised outcast of gay cannibalculture. Everyone's handsome to someone, everyone can be a porn star, a flickering object of desire. It's a haven where people are accepted for who they are, not what some dour star chamber of twinks with bodies like art nouveau lines, think they should be.

Now, at the height of this shindig, someone clambers onto the buffet table, shimmies down his pants, and with no explanation whatsoever unceremoniously snakes out a monolithic log directly into the punch bowl.

Now, this dump it's the kind of turd that makes Prime Ministers declare war on another country, just because they're so offended. The kind of dump that would scatter a host of nuns like pigeons in front of a streetcleaner. This is no mere pebble in the sand.

Of course the party stops. Of course there are gasps and shock and all the white noise of human disgust. So what do the bears do?

They get on their iPhones and they Twitter about the turd. "OMGZ, lulz some1 dumped into the punch bowl!!!1!11"

Some Bears cry out, "The party is over & can never be again! Woe unto us!"

A few bears say the turd was always there and the party was the illusion. The Bears have been fooling themselves all along. Only the turd is real, the tuuurrddd...

A few bears deny the turd is there and keep dancing, all the while bumping powders and manically swallowing pills the color of a 1940's Tom & Jerry cartoon. "Turd? What turd? Keep dancing!!!"

LOGO does a special on the party, but incorrectly identifies the turd as Gloria Steinem's.

Some bears look back on the party before the turd. With soft-lit eyes, moist with joy, they recall The Party Before The Turd. How great it was, how they wish the turd never came to the party.

An enterprising bear sets up a lifestyle magazine, A Bear Turd's Life. It is a high gloss, carefully thought out magazine celebrating the party and at times, the turd. The publisher is oh-so-careful to make sure that only the most attractive bears are photographed with the turd.

Some of the younger bears are happy the turd arrived because they were SO post-party anyway and they have to work on their new movie/book/album/shot at glorious self-importance. Despite celebrating the turd's effect on the party and bemoaning how terrible the party is, they still don't leave and hog all the canapes.

People blog about the turd. They measure it, circle around like vultures then peel away to complain about it.

Certain Bears decide to market the turd. Shirts saying, "This turd looked better on Bear411" pop up like dandelions throughout the room, each appearance accompanied by a popping sound and the wallets of these poor schmucks becoming twenty bucks lighter.

Some bears point out that the turd just is a metaphor for how excluded they were at the party. They of course have to remove the cocks from their mouths to do this, and when they grouse, others sagely nod, kneeled between the legs of dozens of chubby men, balls resting lightly in the most stylish goatee available.

A canny bear, average in mien and demeanor, goes to the punch bowl, picks it up and tosses it, and this Herculean turd out the door. The guests look on in shocked silence, unsure of just how to react.

Without the turd, chaos reigns.
_______________________________________

If you're looking for a point, here it is: The Bear Community, such as it is, in fact all it EVER was was a few individuals who decided to throw out the turd that gay life sent to them, wrapped in LaCroix and smelling of Chanel, and live life on their own terms.

The Bear Community only ever was some guys who were attracted to big hairy blokes and decided to be nice to them & enjoy each other's company. It wasn't a political manifesto or some cult of masculinity, just some fellows who found a home with others like themselves or folks who liked them. Everyone IS a Bear Community. Your living room can be a bear run, and simply by choosing not to be exclusive you reinforce the ideals of the Bear Community, or whatever idealized community you want to find yourself in. Call it the Otter Collective, whatever. The label is infinitely less important that the ideal.

Stop bitching and try for something better. Or keep bitching and wallow in what you lost or never had rather than trying to create it for yourselves.

Your call.

Comments

[arshermetica.livejournal.com]

Oh how I love thee

[beardarren.livejournal.com]

Matt, I would have to disagree with you. In particular as to you statements:
"The Bear Community only ever was some guys who were attracted to big hairy blokes and decided to be nice to them & enjoy each other's company. It wasn't a political manifesto or some cult of masculinity, just some fellows who found a home with others like themselves or folks who liked them."

I only disagree in that those are political statements. And the bear commmunity as it was and is... IS a cult of masculinity. Particularly in the mid to late 80s when the bear community had its beginnings.

And like any sub sub culture the bear community has changed. That's pretty natural process for any group. And while I do agree that perhaps there is too much whining about it, I do think that there is nothing wrong with honest and frank analysis of its current state. In the end each individual has a choice to participate in the things they enjoy about "the community" and to eschew the things that they don't care for. So maybe in that sense I do agree with you.

[satanslisunbeam.livejournal.com]

A cult of masculinity? Maybe it was, and in some pockets, still is, but my experience has been far from that. I don't care about butch, femme, or whatever, but there are just as many big ole queen bears as twinks. Disney figurines and bear puns can attest to that.

I also see as much elitism and cliques in the bear community as I do any other sub group. I, and my husband have had shitty comments made aplenty about the fact that I'm 6'5" and about 270lbs (though I have never considered myself a part of the bear/cub group) and he is far more lean and younger. Bears are constantly making snide comments about why a big burly guy like me is with a smaller guy etc.

I love what the bear community originally stood for, but I don't see much of that still in existence.

[budmassey.livejournal.com]

I totally agree. Whatever the bear community may once have been, it is now mostly a bunch of queens in ball caps and XXXXL shirts.

[beardarren.livejournal.com]

I a purely academic sense it still is a "cult of masculinity" based on secondary sexual characteristics. That is at its most base level.

And I'm not saying that there are not cliques and elitism. In fact I freely acknowledge that the "bear community" has changed. I just point out that it is up to the individual to decide if there is anything of value within that community or not.

And as to the situation with your hubby. I'm not so sure what that has to do with "bears" as a whole rather than individually boorish behavior.

[arshermetica.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry, but I have to ask how one could view the subculture in any sense even remotely "academic"

[beardarren.livejournal.com]

Well actually lots of academic writing has been done on the "Bear Community." Check out Les Wright's Bear Book 1 & 2.

And the point still stands that the "Bear Comminty" is focused on masculine secondary sexual traits...

[arshermetica.livejournal.com]

One could site literature on beanie baby collectors and claim it to be "academic" such does not make it so. Forgive me, but i'm a hard sell. I need veracity in my academia recitations.

[beardarren.livejournal.com]

LOL I'm not "claiming" some random work of literature to be academic. I am stating that has been an academic look at the "bear community." The Bear Book and The Bear Book 2 are both from a Harrington Park Press an imprint of Haworth Press an academic press.

Les Wright Phd. is the editor. Les Wright is also the curator of The Bear History Project.

Saying something is academic describes the manner in which you look at a subject.

And yes I would be willing to bet that there have been academic studies of beanie babies.

[beardarren.livejournal.com]

Oh and also going back to the first question: "I'm sorry, but I have to ask how one could view the subculture in any sense even remotely "academic"

It can be viewed as academic in terms of history, economics, sociology, etc.

[satanslisunbeam.livejournal.com]

I have never had any issue with someone identifying themselves as a bear. There has been a turn toward elitism in the last few years however. The experiences that my husband (arshermetica) and I have had have plenty to do with a pervasive attitude in the bear communities we have interacted with. By the response I've seen here and on my own journal, we are obviously not alone in this. I never said it was everyone that called themselves a bear. Be proud of being a bear if that is what makes you happy or lends something to your life. It's the bears that take themselves too fucking seriously that I'm speaking of.

And since when does being beefy and hairy automatically make you masculine? Some people very much consider uber musculature the height of masculinity.

[beardarren.livejournal.com]

Cripes man!!! I am not saying that all bears are masculine. I'm saying that the bear community focuses on traits that are genetic characteristics of masculinity. Body hair, facial hair etc.

As to elitism, cliques, bad behavior or whatever else... I don't what to tell you. I in fact agree with you. OK?!?!?!?

[gray-fluid.livejournal.com]

you seem like you may be able to answer this.........

i dont understand this "bear community" thing. i'm 32 years old...and i really dont understand how people can choose their friends based on physical appearence. How does that work? I have a few "bearish" friends but most of my gay friends are(or were when younger) "twink"-ish or just regular "unclassifiable" guys. What drew me to these individuals was personality and compatablility as friends.... similar interests, or just interesting traits.

i've never attended a bear event other than the local bear night at this boring bar. If i was skinny and blond, would i go to some event only attended by skinny blonds? hell no, that would just be creepy.

[beardarren.livejournal.com]

Well there's a lot to say about that and I don't want to bore you with a history lesson. So I'll try and be as succinct as possible. There are several different factors in origin of the bear community. In the mid 80s with AIDS on the rise, being of larger stature was seen as a sign of being healthy, also in the gay media (at that time largely porn) all that you saw was skinny young hairless men. Out of reaction to these and other factors a group of men in San Fransico started having weekly / monthly play parties called "Bear Hugs" catering specifically to hirsute and or heavier men.

Word of these parties spread on computer bulletin board systems and through a magazine called Bear Fax and then shortly after in a photo copied zine call "Bear."

Soon after Bear clubs started popping up in various parts of the country. These clubs at this time were often modeled after Levi Leather and Motorcylce clubs that were around at this time. These clubs focused by and large on brotherhood and friendship. They also had "Runs."

The first Bear Runs were largely informal gatherings and while sex my have been a happy by product for some it was not the sole reason for the gathering.

So in this very long winded answer... I suppose I'm trying to say that at least in the beginning it wasn't just about hanging out with people who look like you as much as it was about escaping from a gay world that just didn't get you if you weren't six foot, 150 lbs, with wash board abs and blond hair. And more so it was about being with guys who not only looked like you but had the same interests and thought the same and most importantly were open to anyone. Fat, skinny, hairy, hairless, etc. There was a "no bullshit" attitude that seemed to prevail.

Unfortunately that is not so much the case today with the "Bear Community" and in many respects it has become just another niche market. It's got cliques and bitchiness and yadda yadda yadda. But I still choose to identify as a bear for many different reasons. And I don't think it is bad to look at the past and examine the present which is why I posted in the first place. Also in the end I do agree with Matt that if you don't like something then change it. What I don't agree with is the idea that it never existed in the first place. It did exist. I was there.

[quirkstreet.livejournal.com]

LOGO does a special on the party, but incorrectly identifies the turd as Gloria Steinem's.

WIN. ;-)

[benpanced.livejournal.com]

Stop bitching and try for something better. Or keep bitching and wallow in what you lost or never had rather than trying to create it for yourselves.

Or just keep joining the websites and downloading the pr0n.

[grunter.livejournal.com]

Wait. Were you saying something?

I was kinda busy combing straight the fringe on my sleeveless flannel shirt.

;)

[vianegativa.livejournal.com]

I forgot about that incident until now.

I actually told that story to a bunch of guys while the target of my mockery was standing RIGHT behind me at a Bear Run. Even though I never named him, he was furious with me. I was never again invited to his lavish Christmas parties. :-)

[grunter.livejournal.com]

It was HiBearNation, probably '98 or '99. I remember it well.

[vianegativa.livejournal.com]

You lie, goodly Sir. I was only 10 years old in '98. I couldn't have possibly been there as I am a young, innocent 21 year-old cub in need of a good Daddy.

Seriously though... it wasn't THAT long ago was it? I mean we met back in 1995. The timing seems off.

Of course, that could be Alzheimer's.

[grunter.livejournal.com]

Yeah, it was that long ago. I only went to HiBearNation twice without John and both times were before 2000.

Do you know that it's almost been a year since I've been out Lombard way?

[vianegativa.livejournal.com]

Yes, it's been quite awhile since I threw a bash.

[djzack67.livejournal.com]

Giggles....Hmmm who could this be.

[supervenusfreak.livejournal.com]

Hallelujah!

I never really fit in with the Bear Community, but I still identify with it and enjoy it for what it may be where I am. It's all about finding what is right for YOU, accepting that, and enjoying it.

[seeker2.livejournal.com]

Brilliant post, mostly agree. mostly.

I do think it was once a subculture of masculinity amongst a larger gay culture that was embracing the right to be effeminate. I think it's become hypocritical... on the one hand bears are quick to put down the twinks and their shallowness then cut down others for not winning a sash, hairiest part contest or not being "bear/cub" enough by someone's definition. In fact I don't really think it is a community at all anymore. Mostly it's a sex club with buffets and pageants.

But yes, once upon a time it was exactly what you describe.

As for the recommendation... there is no point to bitching or wallowing. I think though it's time we acknowledged someone DID in fact take a dump in the punch bowl and stop drinking the punch and pretending it isn't there. Time for a new party.

[vianegativa.livejournal.com]

I want a shirt that reads:

Bear. Mostly it's a sex club with buffets and pageants.

Wonderful. Thank you for that.

[seeker2.livejournal.com]

I'll have to make T-Shirts ... when I do I'll send you the link LOL

[hickbear.livejournal.com]

I guess "Steve-O" would have a conniption if you changed that shirt to

A Bear's Life. Mostly, it's a sex club with buffets and pageants.

Wouldn't he? :-}}}}

[grunter.livejournal.com]

If it would contribute to said conniption, I'd most likely buy one in every color.

i was kinda thinking

[henare.livejournal.com]

"Mostly it's a buffet with pageants and sex clubs."

[didiseven.livejournal.com]

They can print those over all the unsold "Trophy Cub" tshirts. ;-) Great post, BTW. Creative and insightful.

[seeker2.livejournal.com]

Uh thanks I think. ;-)

[budmassey.livejournal.com]

And bear runs.... slumber parties for bearded schoolgirls.

[gray-fluid.livejournal.com]

canapes

i had to look this word up.

[vianegativa.livejournal.com]

Yay! I increased your vocabulary!

[gray-fluid.livejournal.com]

i would've just used WHORE DERVES

[jss]

Wait, it's not aluminum-wrapped gorillas?

[vianegativa.livejournal.com]

Mmmmn. Tasty, tasty gorillas.

It's the fact that they're enangered that they are so yummy.

[pensivegargoyle.livejournal.com]

Question is, who dropped the turd in the punchbowl and when do we get our revenge by graffitiing on them with a Sharpie after they pass out?

[cubziz.livejournal.com]

I disagree. And truthfully, I think you do too.

Think back 10 years ago, on the Grizz BBS, before the porn, the lovers, etc. and was it "just" about a bunch of guys? Or was there more? Was there a desire for there to be more to it?

I suspect you have changed, and as a result, so has your viewpoint.

So is it fair or even correct to assume your viewpoint, which has changed, is correct?

I would argue that the view of what the "Bear Community" is, remains in the eye of the beholder. And just because your attitude has changed, for various reasons, doesn't mean that it has for others, especially the new folks.

To them, you sound like the old man telling them to get off his lawn. You can't possibly understand them. Just as they can't understand you. And it's all based on viewpoints.