Change, like an NBC drama
May. 2nd, 2002 12:28 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
vianegativaI debated whether or not to post my feelings on this today, because my boss shares the same LiveJournal stomping grounds that I do. After an amicable talk, I decided no harm could come from it, and personally I need to rid myself of some thoughts so i can focus on the tasks at hand.
Well, it looks as though I'm not going to be working for the same company any longer.
*boom*
Things have been coming to a head for me personally for the past week, and a confrontation between my boss and I laid bare a lot of things that have long been sticking points. Unlike most folks, I'm friends with my boss and we were able to hash things out before anyone completely overreacted. Still I feel very succinctly like I have failed.
Things played out fairly calmly... points were made, ideas discussed, and it became obvious that I'd be better suited to working elsewhere.
I have known for awhile that my work ethic has been crapola. I've been sliding backwards down a slope, tussling with hopelessness and ennui. When you feel that about your career, that can crush a man. Add in the fact that I owe Mike money and John has yet to have a job, and I'm feeling lots of pressure.
So, here we have it: I have essentially failed in my career, and wasted the chance given me by my friend.
Right now, self-doubt rules my thoughts. This is what I perceive as my third career failure: The first, my store, the second, Teach.com, and now this. I remember school, and my jobs after it; everything was effortless and I excelled. Now, I'm not cutting the mustard.
Ok, after stepping away from my journal for a bit, I can see how morose this all sounds, and I'm not quite as down as when I began writing this....
I'll just need to figure out what to do.
Well, it looks as though I'm not going to be working for the same company any longer.
*boom*
Things have been coming to a head for me personally for the past week, and a confrontation between my boss and I laid bare a lot of things that have long been sticking points. Unlike most folks, I'm friends with my boss and we were able to hash things out before anyone completely overreacted. Still I feel very succinctly like I have failed.
Things played out fairly calmly... points were made, ideas discussed, and it became obvious that I'd be better suited to working elsewhere.
I have known for awhile that my work ethic has been crapola. I've been sliding backwards down a slope, tussling with hopelessness and ennui. When you feel that about your career, that can crush a man. Add in the fact that I owe Mike money and John has yet to have a job, and I'm feeling lots of pressure.
So, here we have it: I have essentially failed in my career, and wasted the chance given me by my friend.
Right now, self-doubt rules my thoughts. This is what I perceive as my third career failure: The first, my store, the second, Teach.com, and now this. I remember school, and my jobs after it; everything was effortless and I excelled. Now, I'm not cutting the mustard.
Ok, after stepping away from my journal for a bit, I can see how morose this all sounds, and I'm not quite as down as when I began writing this....
I'll just need to figure out what to do.
